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My almost meltdown pt.1

Friday was my first day back at the school where I substitute teach most often and it was bittersweet.  It was sweet because I love the school, love the students, and have gotten to know the staff really well (and I love them too!).  It was bitter because walking in the door made me go face-to-face with a realization that I have been trying to avoid: no, I did not get a full-time job.  This whole summer I have kept a positive attitude, responding to people's questions with, "I'm sure I'll get a call soon."  I truly believed I would be 'Mrs. Shea--high school English teacher' by the time August rolled around, so it was easy for me to keep that positive attitude, until my almost meltdown.
Well, this almost meltdown happened Friday.  It didn't have anything to do with the first day of school--that was great! I taught in an English favorite! I had 6th, 7th, and 8th graders and did not have a single problem all day-which is rare for a substitute teacher. It happened after school, around 3:20pm while I was sitting in my car in the parking lot of a high school.
About two weeks prior, I applied for an English opening at this high school.  Once I hit submit on my application, I received an email stating something along the lines of, "Thank you for your application.   The school will contact you if they are interested.  DO NOT CONTACT THE SCHOOL."  'Of course I'm going to contact the school,' I thought. All teachers know that it is always best to meet the principal in person, even when applying online.  But then these evil thoughts started creeping into my mind, 'Are you sure you want to contact them?! They will probably be frustrated that you are contacting the schools after already applying and receiving the notice about not contacting them!' 
So, I didn't contact the school.
Thursday night (the night before my first day back at school) the English position was still posted.  I finally convinced myself, with the encouragement of another teacher, that I need to contact the school.  So 2:45 on Friday rolls around and I head straight to the school (right after stopping at Ben's office to pick up my printed him!) and confidently stride into the front office.  I am greeted with a look of recognition from the principal (I substitute taught there several times last year) and I tell her of my interest in the open position.
Then. her. face. fell.
"Why didn't you come sooner."  "We just filled the position."
Well that did it.  The lump started forming in my throat, I thanked her for her time and left my resume in case something opens up.  I walked back to my car, and *voila*, the positive attitude was long gone.  I sat there in my car, unable to drive, having a big pity party for myself.
But then, right before the almost meltdown turned into a full-blown meltdown with Celine Dion's "Unbreak My Heart" blaring in the background, something happened
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  1. Remember there are no mistakes with God. He goes before you and if you were suppose to have that position you would. It has nothing to do with you as a teacher or person because in both cases you are wonderful. He has a perfect plan for you!
    We love you! Can't wait for the next installment!

  2. Thank you!! That is exactly what I keep reminding myself when I start to have feelings of doubt over whether I could have done more.