2 years

first look--Mark Romine Photography


If you read Ben's post for our anniversary, you know that I am a very blessed girl. Leave it to God to give me someone even better than I could have dreamt up to spend my life with. 
I really can't believe it's been two years--part of me feels like I have been with him forever, but then another part feels like this special day was just yesterday: http://vimeo.com/28800069 (our wedding highlight video)

I am not sure how it keeps happening, but it seems like I find myself loving Ben more and more at every turn we make.
As if I didn't have enough reasons to love Ben with every ounce of my being, just this last week of parenthood has given me countless more:

• he was the best labor coach...ice chips on demand, back rubs almost constantly, cold rags without asking for them, words of encouragement at the exact moments I needed them, he caught me when I passed out, he did not rest at all through the entire 32 hours of labor (I actually slept a few hours here and there)
• he has fed me breakfast every morning during the sunrise nurse session with Jack
• he has made 50+ trips up and down the stairs a day to do laundry, cook, clean, and bring me things as I have been living upstairs
• he has changed 90% of the diapers
• the love he has for our son radiates through him
• he's already teaching Jack lessons about putting women first and the importance of being a gentleman
• I came out of the shower and found him passed out like this:
   
  

And it's only week 1!!!
Happy Anniversary, I love you Ben.

Grace, 2 Year Anniversary, Movement to Contact and the Peepee Teepee

My beautiful bride is upstairs either konked out or feeding our brand new baby boy, Jack...I know this because those are the two things she does now!  If she were doing anything else she'd be in big trouble with her doctor (me).  She does not know I’m writing/posting this so I hope she’ll still have me after she reads it ;)

This is my first ever post on www.benandnicoleshea.com.  I thought it fitting that my first ever post commemorate Nicole and I’s two year anniversary (08.13.2011) and the birth of our first son (08.08.2013).  Describing this first two years of marriage is simple yet difficult.  How do I put into words such an experience?  How can I not put it into words?  I thought I’d share with you two lessons I’ve learned; one on Husbandhood and one on Fatherhood. 

HUSBANDHOOD (though I was not yet a husband) – The place was Filomena’s Restaurant in Georgetown near Washington D.C.  Nicole was visiting me from Chicago while I was training in Quantico, VA.  Nicole will tell you that I absolutely cannot keep thoughts or secrets to myself.  Well, this night was no different.  I knew, without a doubt, that I loved this girl and I HAD to tell her!  We walked into the restaurant, past the ladies making pasta in the window, and waited in the bar area for our name to be called.  Why wait I thought!  I had rehearsed my 9 minute speech a hundred times…At this point Nicole stepped in and proposed a toast.  She said, “Here’s to a fun night.”  A fun night I thought?!  ”Nicole, I have a better toast.  Here’s to me falling in love with you.  I love you Nicole.”  So that wasn’t exactly how I planned it but you have to adapt and overcome right?!  I still nailed the punch line and surely she would reciprocate a mutual feeling.  (insert awkward pause).  (insert Nicole laughing).  (insert rejected boyfriend).  NOTHING!  Just a laugh.  The rest of the night consisted of awkward conversation, lots of trips to the bathroom and Nicole’s sea bass that unknowingly came with the head still on.  Not even THAT could break the ice! 

While her lack of response to my outflow of emotion landed a momentary blow to my confidence, I was not deterred.  With persistence, she would be mine.  And it turns out that would not be the only time she laughed in response to a VERY important moment…but that is another post for another time. 

Lesson 1: Marriage takes honest, open communication and persistence in the face of challenges.

At Filomena's

08.13.2011

I’ll let Nicole tell you about the first time she told me she loved me!

FATHERHOOD – God blessed my wife and I with a beautiful handsome young man on August 8th at 0602 in the morning.  Fatherhood is here, ready or not!  My first 5 days of Fatherhood have been quite a show ;)  I'm reminded of my first ever night live fire exercise at The Basic School.  Each 2nd Lieutenant shooter is paired up with a Sergeant Instructor.  The Instructor is glued to the shooter, ensuring that they stay in their lane and stay on line with the group.  The shooters begin moving forward, engaging their targets on command.  It was during this evolution that I learned that sometimes you need work on certain areas of your life.  We had just completed our movement to contact drill when the Sergeant turns to me and with pristine bearing and tact says, "Sir, with all due respect, you are the most ungraceful Lieutenant I've ever seen."

Grace or Un-Grace?

Well, Fatherhood feels a bit like that.  Exhibit A...my first ever diaper change (really my first ever!)...It began like any normal diaper change but normal, for a Dad who has never changed a diaper, is still undefined.  Like any good planner, I had all my gear strategically placed near the victim (my son).  Diaper - check, reusable wipes - check, spray bottle - check, pee-pee teepee - check!  I even had my overwatch established 5 feet away (wife in bed) with clear line of sight to provide supporting fires if necessary.  It's go time!  So I unstrap his diaper and immediately the fog of war kicks in.  All I see is black, literally only black.  I can already tell this is going to test my determination.  I regain my composure. "C'mon Ben, you've been waiting for this moment your entire life!"  With a fearless swoop, I dive in...Not only is it black but it has the consistency of NADs body wax!  I had only encountered a substance like this once before in my life and it involved 15 4th grade boys, a sleepover and 1 double dog dare...And it did NOT end well...Still, I'm a Marine.  I can handle this.  I do the only thing I know to do...press on.  All the while, my overwatch is providing praise, encouragement and progress reports.  And all the while, my son is losing his precious mind.  Now I reach for the pee-pee teepee and secure it over the victim's penis.  After about 10 minutes, I've managed to remove the black from the victim. Surely the end is near...then I hear the overwatch, "Ben, he's peeing, Ben he's peeing, Ben he's peeing in his mouth!"  Dad's beware, this pee-pee teepee thing is bogus.  To the manufacturer, may I suggest an elastic strap to wrap around his butt to hold the teepee in place!  Jack shot that teepee straight into the air and his pee made a perfect arch right into his mouth.  I didn't stand a chance. 

It did end.  I cleaned the pee out of my son's mouth, secured the diaper, swaddled him tight and then crawled in bed next to my overwatch for a little much needed rest and recovery.

Lesson 2: Sometimes Fatherhood is ungraceful...who cares!

HAPPY 2 YEAR ANNIVERSARY NICOLE!

How Jack's story began

2011 engagement pictures Okinawa, Japan-Ally Wiseman Photography

Hedo Misaki (Cape Hedo) Okinawa, Japan 2010

My mode of transportation while I lived there

This whole waiting period that I'm stuck in patiently enjoying has offered a lot of opportunities for reflection. I've been re-reading entries from my journal, and I stumbled across the one below from my move to Okinawa. I packed my bags just a few days after my college graduation party and hopped on a plane to move across the globe. May and June of 2009 held so many big moments: finishing student teaching, graduating from college, moving to Japan. I was extremely busy in those last few weeks before I left, I remember everything really hitting me while I was sitting on the plane. By myself. Moving to a country where I didn't know the language. Starting a job where I had only skyped with my new boss just the month before. Leaving behind my family, friends, Chicago pizza, comfort zone, and so much more. Yet if it wasn't for this decision, there is a chance that I wouldn't be in the situation I am in now--married to my best friend and waiting to meet our little boy. 
I found myself on a beautiful island filled with some of the kindest, humblest, most gracious people I have ever met. It was also an island filled with military bases, and I had no access to them (without Ben). It was filled with military spouses, and I was not one of them. Ben spent more time in the Philippines, Thailand, and Iraq than he did in Okinawa during those two years. Even when he was on the island, we lived an hour apart and had opposite work schedules. This gave me the opportunity to really get the experience I was searching for, one that holds the place as the beginning of our love story; thus, the beginning of Jack's story.

June 18th, 2009

I move to Okinawa today. I left behind my family, friends and dog. It is finally starting to sink in...I might not step back onto U.S. soil for at least a year...that thought is scary, exciting, uncomfortable, and REALLY hard to imagine. Why am I leaving everything I've ever known behind and moving to Japan? There are so many factors that seemed to align perfectly that pointed me in this direction--the first being God. I have grown closer to Him this past year than I ever have before. I have learned so much about Him and yet so little at the same time. I have prayed long and hard about this decision and God has somehow managed to give me the means I need to make this experience seem almost practical. He made it possible for me to move there providing me with not only a job, but also a place to live, and this job just happens to be something that is capable of changing/sculpting my career choice.

The other factors that have fallen into place and as a result have made me consider this path are the series of events that took place after last New Years. I met the most amazing man, fell in love, he moved to Okinawa, and I graduated college. At this point in my life, I am ready for a drastic change. I cannot imagine starting a teaching job right after I graduated and being content in some suburban school--I need something else. I want to travel first, I want to experience life outside of my comfort zone, I am ready to really learn about myself.

Ben could not have come at a more perfect time. I had no idea what I was getting myself into that one New Year's, but I immediately understood that guys like Ben do not come around often. I wasn't sure if Ben and I were really compatible--we seemed so different. However, the more time I spent with him the more I craved for more time with him. We had a few short months to get to know each other before he left for Japan. Those months really challenged my misconception that we may be too different and I began falling in love with someone who was moving across the world for 2 years. As it turns out, Ben is someone I can see spending the rest of my life with--I would be lucky to. He trusts in God, is kind, handsome, generous, loving, faithful, and so much more..

So there you have it, I am currently departing Tokyo to head to Fukuoka and finally to land in Okinawa. This has been quite the trip already--Chicago>Toronto>Tokyo>Fukuoka>Okinawa-and I can hardly wait to start my new life as an English Language Instructor who is also dating the man of her dreams. Wish me luck!

To read some of my posts during that time, click here.

Clean up in aisle 7.

The first time I needed to buy green onions for a recipe last year, I couldn't find them.  Anywhere.  I found green peppers, red onions, white onions, even yellow onions...but not green onions.  Did I have any idea what I was looking for? No.
When I moved here last year after our wedding, I was a housewife mess.  I dreaded going to the grocery store and facing the insecurities that place can bring out, but somehow found myself there as many as 4 times a day.  I would try to own those grocery aisles, confidently striding down them like I was on a runway (my real life friends have seen me do this on multiple occasions), pretending that I knew where everything was, but almost always had to put my pride aside and ask where the &^%% beef bullion was. I swear the store clerk has a magic wand and can make things appear exactly where I had just looked.  The cashier quickly learned my name and would always look at me with those 'aren't you just sad' eyes when I would check out with 1 item, for the 4th time that day.  The butcher even called me out once!! He said, "Now honey, I know you ain't from the south if you don't know what a ham hock is, so are you sure you really want to try and make these collard greens??"  He then gave me step-by-step instructions and I furiously copied down every word.
Did I give up? No.  Sure, there may have been more than a few times when Ben cautiously had to ask whether or not we were having dinner, and sometimes the answer included a meltdown (me first, then Ben) with him running out the door to get take-out.  I vividly remember having this conversation:
Me: I don't know if we can ever have kids.
Ben: Why?
Me: Because I can barely handle taking care of you and the house and the cooking...and I don't even have a job! How will I ever be able to do all of those things plus care for another human being?!
Ben: You'll be fine.
Me: NO I WON'T. 
I think Ben then realized the emotional state that I was in and took me seriously.
But if you are in that 'new housewife' stage and you have no idea what you are doing, let me reassure you, it gets better!  You'll have those grocery store aisles mastered in no time!  And then you can laugh at help the other newbies who frantically go down the same aisle 6 times with nothing in their cart.  You'll figure out how amazing it is to plan your meals and buy your groceries in one day instead of panicking every day about what to make.  But then your true colors will find a way to shine through and you'll ruin the canister of your food processor (thankfully the mini one) when you try to turn whole cloves into ground cloves.  Darn. Just bought that thing, too.  Husband says we can't replace it just because it's cloudy and etched and will never look the same.

Back to the green onions.  So who knew there was another name for scallions? I sure didn't! And who knew that you are supposed to use as much of the white part as possible and not throw that part away (thanks Rebekah!)?!  Duh! 

Anyways, this soup is delicious.  I would add cilantro to it if I would have thought of it in advance. 

Rice Noodle Ginger Soup

Ingredients

• 1 tablespoons grapeseed oil/extra virgin olive oil
• 8 ounces shitake mushrooms, sliced
• 1 cup edamame beans
• 4 green onions, thinly sliced
• 2 carrots, peeled and thinly sliced
• 1 tablespoon fresh ginger grated
• 2 garlic cloves, minced
• 6 cups vegetable broth
• 7 ounces rice noodles

Cooking Directions

1. Heat a large soup pot over medium heat. Once hot, add oil, mushrooms, edamame beans, carrots, onion, ginger, and garlic. Saute for 7-10 minutes or until vegetables begin to soften.
2. Pour in broth, bring to a simmer, and add in rice noodles. Gently simmer for 20-25 minutes or until the noodles have softened.

Looking inward

Our pastor's wife teaches "Woman's Life" at our church twice a month, and I personally feel so lucky to be under her teaching.  It's such a great time of learning, reflecting, snacking, and socializing--perfect, right?!  
Something that she said last time that has just stuck with me, and it seems so simple, and I'm sure a lot of us have heard it before, but it is to look inward.   

Luke 6:42 Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take out the speck that is in your eye,’ when you yourself do not see the log that is in your own eye? 

It's incredibly easy to see the error in other people's ways, and it almost makes us feel better about ourselves and the things we are insecure about. It's far too easy to point out what they're doing wrong, than it is to accept ways that I'm just not measuring up...areas of my life where I am just not walking in a manner that is worthy of the God who called me.  
A question that she had us ask ourselves was "Would I want to be married to me?" or "Would I want to be friends with me" ...you can apply it to any relationship in your life.  But it's a little scary to look at it that way--which is why the women in the room kind of nervously laughed when she asked that question.  We are so quick to want perfection from others, but very forgiving of ourselves.  I want Ben to load the dishwasher my way instead of his (I know I know, just be happy he's helping--I tell myself that all the time).  I cringe when he follows a car too closely.  I would rather him not walk all over the house in his work boots.  But when I have my shoes on and realize I forgot my water bottle--it's fine, I just run into the kitchen with my shoes on without thinking twice!!
So this month, and hopefully every month after, I am going to try to be especially aware about looking inward. And I challenge all of my readers (so what if that only refers to 5ish people?!) to do the same.
And most often sometimes it can be very difficult--I get it, sometimes we are all in difficult situations where we just have to let that person know about what they're doing wrong...but my challenge to myself and you, then, is to find the good and focus on that.

Philippians 4:8

 Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.

Draft mode.

I have one post that is still in draft mode.  It's dated May 05th, 2010.  I think I'm going to try to finish it this week.

Big News. 

If you haven't heard, BEN AND I ARE ENGAGED!!  Here's the story. 

Vacation.  Ben and I finally had some time off together. Last week was "Golden Week", a Japanese holiday that lasts 3-4 days long.We started the holiday by going camping on Zamami Island.  Just another camping trip.

View Larger Map

The ferry ride to the island was a bit crowded, and the man taking tickets wanted us to leave our bags so they could be put in the cargo area.  I had no idea why this made Ben so nervous.  I had no idea why he kept craning his neck to see his bag and then finally was so insistent on getting me a blanket out of his bag. It did not enter my mind that maybe there was something *else* he couldn't leave in his bad unsupervised.  Just another ferry ride.

When we got to the island, Ben and I saw a few buses with people holding up signs standing in front of them.  We did not reserve any transportation, so instead, we found a map, asked a few people "Camping wa doko desuka??" and started walking towards the campground (or what we hoped was the campground).  After making it over a giant hill, we finally saw a beach, lots of trees, and tents.  

We (Ben) set up the tent and started walking towards the town.  There's only 1 town on the island.  It took about 20 minutes 

Nodding off in class

I taught 2nd grade today.  The day went pretty smoothly...although I did get a few stares as I ate my quinoa avocado 'tacos' in the teacher's lounge--see yesterday's post for pics. 

One of my students fought all day to keep his eyes open. 
It wasn't because he was up late playing video games. 
It wasn't because he was up late watching tv.  
It was because he woke up in the middle of the night to Skype with his dad who is in Afghanistan.
It really is such a special experience to teach the children of the women and men who protect our nation's freedom.  I love hearing their reunion stories and seeing the excitement on their faces as they giddily tell me about how great it is to have mom/dad back at home.  My heart breaks every time I see their faces fall as they talk about how long mommy/daddy has been away fighting.  Their stories always make me tear up and think of when I nervously/excitedly waited for Ben to walk through the security gates in the airport in Okinawa after spending 6 months in Iraq.  I remember I was crying well before I could even see him, and I was the only American waiting (he did not come in on a military flight).  So basically I was this random American (my height didn't help my case--made me stand out like a sore thumb) standing alone crying in the airport while many of the Japanese people waiting around me stared curiously and sympathetically.  I remember thinking how weird it was that I was getting so emotional while waiting, but for some reason I just couldn't stop the tears of happiness.  More than happiness, though, the feeling that hit me hard, deep down in my gut, was relief.  Relief that I no longer had to worry.  I no longer had to be scared to log onto msnbc.com or watch the news.  I didn't have to feel the panic anymore that set in after hearing about an attack in Baghdad and realizing I hadn't heard from Ben.  There weren't any more chances that something could go wrong.  He was home.  Safe.



December 2010--reunion in Naha, Okinawa airport

It.has.been.a.whiiiile.

I started this blog as a way to keep in touch with family and friends while I taught English in Okinawa.  

My last post was in February of 2010--right before I got engaged and Ben deployed.  I didn't keep up with posts because I was doing anything and everything except sitting home and thinking.  Or sitting home and writing.  
I took up karate.  Tennis lessons.  Japanese lessons.  Exploring Okinawa.  Going to baseball games and yelling things in Japanese that I didn't understand.  Walking my cat. You get the point.  
Hit fastforward and Ben came home in December. I moved home in March of 2011. We got married in August. I moved to South Carolina in September, and here we are at our 1 year anniversary...don't have a picture to share yet since our anniversary is August 13th. But will fo'sho have one as soon as we are back from..........Ben-please fill in the blank!! They won't tell me, they promise!  :)

So! As you can read by clicking on About, I am starting the blog back up and going to post every few days/weeks/hopefullynotmonths/Ireallyhopenotyears about what is going on in our 'trying to eat and live toxic free' lives.

And we've got major changes to make.  Can't wait to see how it turns out!

yelling things in Japanese

her classic 'low crawl' move

reunion at Okinawa airport

I moved home in March of 2011.

shocked to see all my friends and family at
what I thought was my sister's birthday party

surreal moment